CROWNS by Regina Taylor

Taproot Theatre Company

After watching the final debate the other night, it dawned on me that Obama could actually win this thing.  If that happens, there will be a lot of people (some of our co-workers included) who will be afraid that an Obama presidency will usher in the end of days.  They’ll be watching us on November 5th (the day after the election) for signs of the end times.

To keep the peace and keep a lot of folks from getting nervous, I think we should develop a list of acceptable celebrations and behaviors we should probably avoid – at least for the first few days:

1.       No crying, hugging or shouting “Thank you Lord” – at least not in public

2         No high-fives – at least not unless the area is clear and there are no witnesses

3         No laughing at the McCain/Palin supporters

4         No calling in sick on November 5th. They’ll get nervous if too many of us don’t show up.

5         We’re allowed to give each other knowing winks or nods in passing.  Just try to keep from grinning too hard.

6.        No singing loudly, We’ve come this Far By Faith  (it will be acceptable to hum softly)

7.        No bringing of  barbeque ribs or fried chicken for lunch in the company lunchroom for at least a week (no chittlings at all) (this may make us seem too ethnic)

8.        No leaving kool-aid packages at the water fountain (this might be a sign that poor folks might be getting a break through)

9.        No Cupid Shuffle during breaks (this could indicate a little too much excitement)

10.      Please no Moving on Up music  (we are going to try to remain humble)

11.      No doing the George Jefferson dance (unless you’re in your office with the door closed)

12.      Please try not to yell—-BOOOO YAH!

13.      Just in case you’re wondering, Doing the Running Man, cabbage patch, or a backhand spring on the highway is 100% okay.

If I’ve missed anything feel free to add to the list. I just want to make sure we’re all on the same page when Obama brings this thing home on November 5th.

Now go get your early vote on and let’s make this thing happen=

Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the older woman that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren’t good for the environment.

The woman apologized and explained, “We didn’t have this green thing back in my earlier days.”

The clerk responded, “That’s our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations.”

She was right — our generation didn’t have the green thing in its day.

Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, which we reused for numerous things. Most memorable besides household garbage bags was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our school books. This was to ensure that public property (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books. But, too bad we didn’t do the green thing back then.

We walked up stairs because we didn’t have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn’t climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn’t have the green thing in our day.

Back then, we washed the baby’s diapers because we didn’t have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts — wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn’t have the green thing back in our day.

Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house — not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn’t have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn’t fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn’t need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she’s right; we didn’t have the green thing back then.

We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn’t have the green thing back then.

Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn’t need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint.

But isn’t it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn’t have the green thing back then?

Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smart ass young person…

We don’t like being old in the first place, so it doesn’t take much to piss us off

Thank you Irish, we often need the reminders!

“I feel great about that,” Thurston tells Fresh Air‘s Terry Gross. “I think we have a moment every year in our country where everyone buys black stamps and thinks more explicitly about black people and blackness, so it was a perfect month to release a book on this subject.”

Thurston, a stand-up comedian and The Onion‘s digital director, says that he doesn’t get as many gigs this month as one might think.

Let Baratunde tell you his story.

Samples of the series are available at Comedy Central online:

http://www.comedycentral.com/videos/index.jhtml?videoId=406088&title=new-sketch-series

ABOUT KEY & PEELE

Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele present “Key & Peele,” an original sketch-comedy show coming to Comedy Central in 2012. In this new series these fresh, relevant comedic actor-writers, used to being on the outside looking in, will examine life in a provocative and irreverent way, through a combination of filmed sketches and live stage segments.

Whether it’s satirizing the President, spoofing Nazis, or ordering up some soul food, “Key & Peele” will showcase their chemistry, camaraderie and unique point of view, born from their shared background and experiences growing up biracial in a not quite post-racial world.

Interview of Key & Peele on National Public Radio:

Obama, Peele goes on to say, was the best thing to happen to black nerds everywhere.

“Up until Obama, it was basically Urkel and the black guy from Revenge of the Nerds — Lamar,” says Peele. “Other than that, we had no role models. So he made us cool.”

For ‘Black Nerds Everywhere,’ Two Comedy Heroes

The Boondocks : Return of the King

Is this Entertainment, Education or Empowerment?

In “Return of the King,” McGruder offers a “what if?” episode which theorizes that Martin Luther King, Jr. didn’t die but, rather, has been in a coma all this time; when he awakens, he ends up going from being a hero to all those seeking equality of the races to being accused of a terrorist sympathizer. When he attempts to hold a rally to inspire his brethren, it’s so overtaken by attempts to make it into a party . . . . . . . .             Will Harris wharris@bullz-eye.com   https://www.bullz-eye.com/television_reviews/2005/the_boondocks_1.htm

A Jewish Christmas Story

The teacher was very curious about how each of her students celebrated Christmas Eve “Tell me Patrick, what do you do on Christmas Eve?” she asked.

Patrick addressed the class. “Well Miss, me and my twelve brothers and sisters go to midnight Mass and we sing hymns, then we come home very late and we put mince pies by the back door and hang up our stockings. Then all excited we go to bed and wait for Father Christmas to come with all our toys.”

“Very nice Patrick, now Jimmy Brown, what do you do?”

“Well Miss, me and my sister go to Church with Mum and Dad and we sing carols and we get home ever so late. We put cookies and milk by the chimney and we hang up our stockings. We hardly sleep waiting for Santa Claus to bring our presents.”

Remembering there was a Jewish boy in the class and not wanting to leave him out of the discussion, she asked, “Now Jimmy Cohen, what do you do on Christmas Eve?”

“Well Miss, it’s the same old thing every year. Dad comes home from the office. We all pile into the Rolls and drive to his toy factory. When we get inside we look at all the empty shelves and sing “What a friend we have in Jesus”. Then we go to the Bahamas.”

Jewish Humor and Joke page

The Jewish Magazine http://www.jewishmag.com/97mag/humor/humor.htm