8 Reasons For Marital Failure Amongst African Americans
Discussions about the epidemic are everywhere, from the latest best-selling novels to academic discussions on college campuses, to passionate discussions between Frat brothers & Sister circles. The question everyone wants answered is “WHY?” Unfortunately, many of the traditional reasons you have been given for the premature romantic meltdowns amongst Blacks are inaccurate and insufficient. These very same factors were present when successful Black marriages, created 30 or 40 years ago, were forged but yet many a couple managed to stay together.
As a child therapist, who spends much of my time navigating the parental relationship in order to create an atmosphere of normalcy in which our children can function, and as a doctor of clinical psychology, who studies the emotional and psychological conditions that give rise to relationship difficulties that are unique to African-Americans, I have discovered that there are several themes running through failed families that if brought to your consciousness may help you escape a dead end relationship, or be able to help resuscitate a dying one back into new life.
With nearly most Black children being reared in single parent households it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the ADHD diagnosis has been on the rise, which in most cases has nothing to do with any neurologically-based brain dysfunction, but rather a family-based emotional dysfunction that I refer to sarcastically but truthfully as “Absence of Daddy from Home Disorder,” which is the real ADHD. If we want to save the Black community, we have to save the Black family, for if the most essential of institutions is destroyed then almost no other can function effectively.
1) SEARCHING FOR SECURITY: UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS FROM CHILDHOOD
2) SELF-HATRED: LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU
3) MATERIALISM MELTDOWN: BUYING HAPPINESS
4) ESCAPING MISERY: LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT OF YOUR PAIN
5) POST-TRAUMATIC RELATIONSHIP DISORDER: THE GHOST OF RELATIONSHIPS PAST
6) TYRANNY OF YOUR INNER CHILD: THE PAIN BODY EXPERIENCE
7) WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON: THE CLASH OF VALUES
8) BLENDING THE UNBLENDABLE FAMILY: YOUR CHILDREN OR OUR CHILDREN