Until Death Do Us Part: By Dr. Umar Abdullah-Johnson

8 Reasons For Marital Failure Amongst African Americans

Discussions about the epidemic are everywhere, from the latest best-selling novels to academic discussions on college campuses, to passionate discussions between Frat brothers & Sister circles. The question everyone wants answered is “WHY?” Unfortunately, many of the traditional reasons you have been given for the premature romantic meltdowns amongst Blacks are inaccurate and insufficient. These very same factors were present when successful Black marriages, created 30 or 40 years ago, were forged but yet many a couple managed to stay together.

As a child therapist, who spends much of my time navigating the parental relationship in order to create an atmosphere of normalcy in which our children can function, and as a doctor of clinical psychology, who studies the emotional and psychological conditions that give rise to relationship difficulties that are unique to African-Americans, I have discovered that there are several themes running through failed families that if brought to your consciousness may help you escape a dead end relationship, or be able to help resuscitate a dying one back into new life.

With nearly most Black children being reared in single parent households it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the ADHD diagnosis has been on the rise, which in most cases has nothing to do with any neurologically-based brain dysfunction, but rather a family-based emotional dysfunction that I refer to sarcastically but truthfully as “Absence of Daddy from Home Disorder,” which is the real ADHD. If we want to save the Black community, we have to save the Black family, for if the most essential of institutions is destroyed then almost no other can function effectively.

1) SEARCHING FOR SECURITY: UNMET EMOTIONAL NEEDS FROM CHILDHOOD

2) SELF-HATRED: LOOKING FOR SOMEONE TO LOVE YOU

3) MATERIALISM MELTDOWN: BUYING HAPPINESS

4) ESCAPING MISERY: LOOKING FOR A WAY OUT OF YOUR PAIN

5) POST-TRAUMATIC RELATIONSHIP DISORDER: THE GHOST OF RELATIONSHIPS PAST

6) TYRANNY OF YOUR INNER CHILD: THE PAIN BODY EXPERIENCE

7) WE DON’T HAVE ANYTHING IN COMMON: THE CLASH OF VALUES

8) BLENDING THE UNBLENDABLE FAMILY: YOUR CHILDREN OR OUR CHILDREN

Read Full Article: Until Death Do Us Part: 8 Reasons For Marital Failure Amongst African Americans By Dr. Umar Abdullah-Johnson, Psy.D., NCSP, M.Ed.

 

 

5 thoughts on “Until Death Do Us Part: By Dr. Umar Abdullah-Johnson

  1. Dr. Umar,
    What are your thought on religion as a divide? It seems black women have much more religion in them than men. It is a source of tension when the wife seems entranced by and blindly follow scriptures that can be totally misinterpreted and a lot of men think along more logical lines. This is the one thing I don’t see as a problem for whites as their religion is more of a ritual where as ours is more fanaticism. I am a 36 year old black man and I have serious issues with religion and how I think it has hindered and hamstrung our community. As much money as we give to the church each Sunday it seems blacks could pool that money into something useful on earth. My wife, however, is a true and devout believer. I love her but her assumed spiritual superiority is annoying at times – I feel like I am on a journey for true knowledge and understanding just not of our Euro-centric Christ deity.

  2. I followed you over a year now, and everything you said I see as the truth. You re the Messiah this generation has been waiting for, but we need you to educate more so we can embrace one another collectively to succeed. I want to be successful, bur not just for the materialistic achievement, but for helping the poor, the unintelligent, the sick, but I’m not trying to walk on water at the same time,lol.

  3. Pingback: Solving Deadbeat Father Problems | Wake Up African American Racism Still Exists

  4. Dr. Umar, I appreciate your knowledge to the black and hungry families who seek blindly for an answer each day. I agree with your 8 reasons simply because as I was growing up I use to ask myself “Why Do So Many Black People Go To Church And Then For The Wrong Reasons”, Then I realized its because they’re sick (whether they’re physically, emotionally, or mentally sick) but god knows I would love to see ALL my people rise once again as a Nation/Family -Thank You Sir

  5. To Dr. Umar,
    I totally agree with everything you said. I watched my mother push, force and threaten my father to love her. I too began to pick mates who I had to force and coax them into loving me and marrying me. And the marriages never lasted. Using them to fill up the hole in my heart. But thank God, at the age of 39 I survived a brain aneurysm and got a second chance at life. I truly feel loved by God and there are no more holes. I am whole. I thank you for sharing your wisdom with us. Peace and Blessings to you and your family.

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